["I NEVER HAD NO ONE" BY SAM THE SHAM & THE PHARAOHS PLAYING]
JEFF STORCK: No. No, no, no.
Wait, Anne, yeah, can you just,
can you just give me a minute?
Yeah, this is Wednesday, so I'm at, uh...
- [KNOCKING AT DOOR] - Dad? Dad, it's Jeff.
Yeah, can you just, can you just give me a minute? Yeah, yeah.
- [KNOCKING ON DOOR] - Why isn't he fucking answering?
Dad, it's Jeff.
Anne, Anne, we shouldn't just throw away our marriage.
Unless you've found someone else.
You haven't, have you?
No, no, I just want it to work out with us.
Yeah, well, I gave you space. I moved out, didn't I?
Dad?
Yeah. Yes, Anne,
I got the... the couples' therapist,
and if that doesn't reset the marriage, then fine,
I'll-I'll relent. We can look into arbitration.
Dad? Come on, it's White Hot night.
Because I... because I... Anne. Can you just, can you listen?
Can you just... For a minute? Like I said before,
it's just not the right time.
I-I can't afford to go down the... Dad?
I can't afford to go down the divorce attorney route.
Fuck. I got to...
Oh, fuck. Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Fuck. Fuck.
[CRYING]: Yes, it's my father.
Uh, in his... room.
He's, um...
he's shot himself.
Otis. My father's name is Otis Storck.
[INDISTINCT POLICE RADIO CHATTER]
Professor Jeff Storck? I need you to know that
such circumstances are always investigated,
but we all know what this is.
Does this
belong to your father?
Is it registered to him?
Look, Mr. Storck,
[VOICE FADING]: I know this is certainly upsetting...
...be on our way if you can tell me
- if this is your father's gun. - No.
No way. It's not.
I don't know where it came from, but he-he hates guns.
My father is... he's a lifelong hippie.
Take this to the lab.
- Go over it with ballistics. - OFFICER: Yes, sir.
BLUDWORTH: Was your father sick?
Alzheimer's?
I realize you have a job to do and whatever,
but can we do it later, maybe? I mean, my father just
basically shot himself in front of me.
No. It would've been last night some time.
I said "basically," didn't I?
Basically means basically,
not absolutely.
Basically.
He left a note.
- Fuck sake. - I am permitted
to read it to you,
- if that's what you want. - Can't you just... Can I...
Can't I just read it?
NARRATOR: Here sits Professor Jeffery Mingus Storck,
a man who holds a doctorate in anthropology,
but possesses little true knowledge of himself.
Today, Professor Storck is surrounded
by the many familiar artifacts that shaped his father's life,
and the one unknown object that ended it.
As a scientist, he's about to embark
on his darkest research project yet.
His conclusion will lie somewhere between
the barrel of a gun and the outer regions
of The Twilight Zone.
[THE TWILIGHT ZONETHEME PLAYING]
NARRATOR: You're traveling through another dimension,
a dimension not only of sight and sound but of mind.
It is the middle ground between light and shadow,
between science and superstition.
And it lies between the pit of one's fears
and the summit of one's knowledge.
You are now traveling through a dimension of imagination.
You've just crossed over into The Twilight Zone.
Synced & corrected by -robtor- www.addic7ed.com
[TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWS IN DISTANCE]
["IT AIN'T NO EASY THING" BY CARLA THOMAS PLAYING]
JEFF: My dad fell in love with Lake Cayuga
back when he played the Watkins Glen festival
one lake over in 1973.
He jammed with the Grateful Dead during their sound check
the day before they went on.
He led a pretty interesting life, all told.
Skipped up to Canada with Neil Young and Crazy Horse
when he was evading the Vietnam draft.
My father played Cuba in '69,
that Havana Jam thing with Billy Joel
and Stephen Stills.
Met my mother
on the march to Montgomery.
♪ To want your lips... ♪
Dragged us the whole way here from Ireland.
Never looked back. [LAUGHING]
Never got divorced.
Never went bankrupt.
Never went unloved.
[CHUCKLES]
Did it not turn out as he wanted?
I...
[QUIETLY]: Who did you love more than me?
["THOUGHTS OF YOU" BY JAY FORTUNATO PLAYING]
♪ Whenever I'm feelin' lonely ♪
♪ Whenever I'm feelin' blue ♪
♪ What is it that takes my mind away ♪
♪ What is it that pulls me through? ♪
♪ Thoughts of you ♪
♪ When my world no longer surrounds me ♪
♪ When the spirit's broken in two ♪
♪ That's when I need you to hide ♪
♪ Behind... ♪
Okay...
Fuck...
[PANTING]
What the fuck is that?
Good morning, Jeff.
- Yo, Jeff, what's up? - MAN: All good. How about you, Jeff?
See you tonight at Jeff's dorm, right?
WOMAN: Oh, my God, Jeff
- is a total Jeff. - Such a Jeff.
PRESNELL: Jeff!
Hey, Jeff.
[BARKING]
- That's a good boy. That's a boy. - [LAUGHS]
[WHISPERS]: Fuck...
[PARKING BRAKE CLACKS]
[KEY TURNS, ENGINE SHUTS OFF]
[SEATBELT UNBUCKLES]
[CAR DOOR CHIMES]
[KEYS JANGLING]
♪
- [PISTOL COCKS] - Get out of my house!
It's me! It's me! It's me!
Anne, it's me.
- I'm just getting my mail. - Jesus.
You scared the shit out of me.
I'm sorry, I didn't mean to. I just wanted...
Jesus, Jeff. Oh, fuck.
Do you know how to, do you know how to do
- the-the safety thing? - Just... you point it.
I-I don't remember.
Why-why have you even got that?
I live alone now,
- and there were two home invasions. - What?
A couple of streets over.
Oh, um, this came for you, too.
The police delivered it earlier this evening.
Must be my dad's gun.
It's probably worth something.
[SCOFFS] Yeah, I'm not gonna make money off
my dad's suicide, Anne.
You're gonna need the money, Jeff.
Friends have told me that I should get an attorney
to protect both of us.
Oh... So...
that's what I did.
[SIGHS]
He'll contact you.
We talked about this, didn't we?
- I've been trying to tell you. - A lot.
- The thing is, Jeff... - You said you were okay with us
going to couple's therapy, so... It's that...
- I-I... - What the fuck?
I have fallen in love
with another man...
named Jeff.
♪ Oh, wait, oh ♪
♪ Wait ♪
♪ Don't walk out on me ♪
♪ I should've told you ♪
♪ Right from the start ♪
♪ I'm not free... ♪
♪ ...my heart ♪
♪ I can give nothing but love ♪
♪ Why should I lie? ♪
♪ But, darling, that's yours... ♪
Oh, shit.
♪ Please let me love you ♪
♪ That's all I ask ♪
♪ Don't think of the future ♪
♪ Forget the past ♪
♪ Let's live just for now ♪
♪ Pretend all... ♪
Am I "him"?
Or am I "you"?
[LINE RINGING]
GUN BROKER [OVER PHONE]: The gun superstore dot com.
Yeah, hey, I'm-I'm looking to get rid of a gun.
You got the paperwork?
Uh, look-look, I-I don't know
anything about guns. It seems old.
- How about the serial number? - Um...
- It's on the grip. - Oh.
Yeah. 1015-59.
Okay...
Oh, hey, any chance there's a Blue Scorpion on the handle?
Yeah. There very much is.
Holy shit! I thought the Blue Scorpion was a myth.
Dates back to 1952. It's from Cuba.
Che Guevara was looking for that gun.
It was made by this guy, Eulogio Cienfuegos.
The legend is, you don't find it, it finds you.
We can get you, like, $25,000 to $50,000 for the Blue Scorpion.
Okay. I mean, whatever.
I just want to get the bloody thing out of my life.
So, if you... Fucking shit!
- Oh, my God! Are you all right? - What the...?
Are you there, brother?
- Shit. - Hey...
...are you okay?
Oh... Yeah.
I'm all right, I'm okay, I'm all right. Fuck.
Jesus Christ, was there a round in the chamber?
I don't know.
- Okay. - [DOG BARKING OUTSIDE]
Send me all your information and a picture of the gun.
I'll take care of everything.
Once it's sold, and if you don't have a license,
- you'll have to ship it, by carrier. - Yeah.
But if you do, don't forget
to punch a small hole in the box so some light
can get in. Legend is,
the Blue Scorpion's afraid of the dark.
Where do I send my information?
To me, Bob Jeff, at the gun superstore dot com.
- P.O. Box 5252... - Hold on.
- ...Earlysville, Virginia 22901. - Did you just say "Jeff"?
I-I'm sorry, could you
remind me... Your research project is?
"Animism in contemporary China."
This-this research project is...
Sorry, excuse me.
This...
This research project is-is really messing
- with my head, Dr. Storck. Um... - [CELL PHONE BUZZING]
You know how animism
- is, like... - Yeah.
...the belief that there's a-a spirit in,
in every single thing,
and-and even inanimate objects have a soul?
Yeah, I know what it is, Grace. [CHUCKLES]
[CHUCKLES] Well, it's, like,
nothing talks to me or anything like that, but
I-I can't help feel that all my stuff...
my shoes,
toothbrush, hats... are all, like,
friends.
Do you ever have that?
[LAUGHS] No.
And you shouldn't either.
- [LAUGHS] - That's, um, I think what you're
experiencing is anthropomorphism,
attributing human properties to inanimate objects,
which is different from animism, which is a religious belief,
as I'm sure you know. I wouldn't worry.
It's dri... It's driving me crazy.
It's a little late in the term to be changing subjects.
[CELL PHONE BUZZING]
What the... F...
Okay, sir, when I leave my dorm, nothing can be, like,
left by itself. Like, if my boots are over by the bed
and my gym shoes are in the closet,
I-I feel like they're... I don't know... lonely.
And I-I have to make sure that everything is grouped together
or I feel bad that they might be afraid of the dark,
so I leave the light on.
[VOICE FADING]: I-I go back to my dorm...
It's just because of this stupid project.
It's the project, and I'm sorry, but I can't...
- I-I need to change the subject. - Okay.
Thank you so much. My shoes thank you, too.
- [CHUCKLES] - Jeff Storck?
Oh, I'm sorry. I need to prepare for a lecture.
I'm Anne's attorney.
Fuck off. Your name is Jeff, too?
[CHUCKLES] That's great, though, Jeff.
We can begin negotiations from a point of commonality.
Can you just ease off?
Can you just... Please, please.
This isn't, this isn't a good time for me. I, um,
my father just passed away, and he didn't do a will,
so the whole estate is fucked up, you know?
- Maybe we can do this another day? - Yeah, sure.
If any of that estate is left to you, uh,
be advised that half of it now belongs to Anne.
So if you need any help at all...
I can make all of your troubles go away.
You have my card.
[CELL PHONE BUZZING]
- Stop calling me. - GUN BROKER [OVER PHONE]: Hey, J...
- Hey, Jeff. It's Bob Jeff. - Just fucking stop!
When I think the time is right to get rid of the fucking thing,
you'll be the first one to know it, do you understand?
There's only been seven owners of the Blue Scorpion,
including you. I have people lining up
willing to lay down $100,000 for this gun.
If we sell this thing, all our dreams will come true.
Now, of course, don't forget my cut.
♪ One pill makes you larger ♪
♪ And one pill makes you small ♪
♪ And the ones that Mother gives you ♪
♪ Don't do anything at all ♪
♪ Go ask Alice ♪
♪ When she's ten feet tall ♪
♪ And if you go ♪
♪ Chasing rabbits ♪
♪ And you know you're ♪
♪ Going to fall ♪
♪ Tell 'em a hookah-smoking caterpillar ♪
♪ Has given you the call ♪
♪ Call Alice ♪
♪ When she was just small ♪
♪ The chessboard ♪
♪ Get up and tell you where to go ♪
♪ And you've just had some kind of mushroom ♪
♪ And your mind is moving low ♪
♪ Go ask Alice ♪
♪ I think she'll know ♪
♪ When logic and proportion ♪
♪ Have fallen sloppy dead ♪
♪ And the White Knight is talking backwards ♪
♪ And the Red Queen's off with her head ♪
♪ Remember ♪
♪ What the Dormouse said ♪
♪ Feed your head ♪
♪ Feed your head. ♪
[STATIC]
Dad?
[QUIETLY]: Fuck.
Oh, man, I'm so fucking high.
Eulogio Cienfuegos.
Yeah, okay. You're not really here.
You're not... You're not there.
You're... You're a hallucination.
That name... I heard that name
from the gun dealer guy.
Mr. Storck,
the pistol wants to help end your troubles.
The Blue Scorpion loves you more than anyone.
It only asks one thing in return:
Light.
It is afraid of the dark.
[EXHALES]
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
Sorry.
Hello. Good afternoon.
I'd, uh... I'd like to
UM... [QUIETLY]: I don't have a lot of experience
with this.
You need to rent a gun?
No. No, I have one.
Hello.
Can I see the gun in order to determine if it's safe
to fire in the range?
Yeah.
No. No, please, don't, sorry.
Just don't... don't.
Have you ever fired this gun before?
No. No, I haven't.
And I only need to shoot it once.
- So... - Why?
Why? Uh... because then I'm gonna sell it.
Why don't you just sell it?
Why do you have to fire it first?
Um... you know, it... [CLEARS THROAT]
...it's not so much about the shooting of the gun.
It's more that the shooting of the gun
will destroy a bullet.
A certain bullet.
[CHUCKLES] No, but...
trust me, I'll be
much better once I get rid of this.
DANA: Okay, it's... it's just a bullet.
Ever since I'm come in possession of this gun,
weird things occur. Like,
I keep bumping into different types of people named Jeff!
And I understand that it's not an uncommon name,
but to meet a different person named Jeff
nearly every single day, it's not right.
It's weird, it's weird, right?
His name's Jeff.
Fff...
[GUNSHOTS]
[GUNSHOTS CONTINUE]
[SOUND MUFFLES]
♪
[GUNSHOT]
[CASING CLATTERS ON FLOOR]
[GUNSHOTS]
[CLICKS]
Ow!
[QUIETLY]: You'd never hurt me.
[60'S ELECTRIC GUITAR PLAYING]
Excuse me.
Just give me one second, please.
♪
[WHISPERS]: Shit.
Okay, who's first?
[ELEVATOR BELL DINGS]
[ANNE SIGHS]
ANNE: Thank you.
JEFF DOLIN: You're welcome.
[CHUCKLES]
ANNE: What?
You know...
You sure you want to go over these settlement terms
without any representation?
They can become, uh... quite uncomfortable.
Oh, I'm comfortable. Yeah.
I'm... I'm at peace, Jeff. I'm... tranquil.
Because you see, I also have a friend
who's gonna help me.
He's gonna make
all of my troubles...
disappear.
So should we get started, Jeff?
I've been looking forward to this.
JEFF DOLIN: Why don't we break down the assets?
- Let's start with item one: the house. - Yeah.
JEFF DOLIN: ...Item 38. Fender electric bass.
JEFF: No! No!
You don't get to take my dad's
bass! Are you fuck...
How can you even try?
JEFF DOLIN: We're not "taking" it.
New York is an equitable distribution state.
It's unfair that you prevent such a valuable item
from liquidation, for sentimental causes.
I love you.
I do. I love you.
I love you more than anyone. I do.
- Jeff... - I still do.
How can you try to take that from me?
I...
Well, bass guitars played at both Monterey Pop
and Watkins Glen are very rare...
Can you shut the fuck up, Jeff?
Could you do that for me?
- This ain't about you. - That language,
sir, is inappropriate at this negotiation.
The language is inappropriate.
Okay, you know what, Jeff?
I never even wanted the bass.
I just need a break.
You want me to show you something
- ...you will find, inappropriate, Jeff? - Can I have security in here?
What the fuck is this?
- Taking a break. - Get off me!
Let go of me!
We're just taking a break.
Get the fuck off me! Get off me!
Just let me get out of here. Okay? Can I, can I do that?
Can I... Have it all, Anne!
Just fucking have it all!
Just take everything!
Except the Blue Scorpion.
You can have it all and shove it up your arse!
- Escort him out. - Okay, I'm gonna go. I'm gonna go.
[QUIETLY]: Before anyone gets hurt.
Just go, go, go, go, go.
I love him more than I ever loved you.
[ELEVATOR BELL DINGS]
♪ Were the tears in your eyes meant for me ♪
♪ Or the man you had waiting at home? ♪
[BUZZING]
♪ I didn't mean to smile ♪
♪ I didn't mean to laugh... ♪
Yeah?
GUN BROKER: Jeff, it's Bob. Bob Jeff here.
Hey, I'm really sorry, I hope it's not too late to be calling,
- but I just got off the phone. - Too late, Bob.
Listen, no one will love
- the Blue Scorpion more than me. - Way too late.
I have no interest in selling the Blue Scorpion.
- Mr. Storck... - So stop calling me.
- I'll be sure you get... - Never call me again, understand?
Sir, I'm begging you, please don't hang up.
Because I will never sell him.
Please, just let me finish what I have to say. Jeff?
Jeff, you sound real busy.
I'll check with you tomorrow.
[EXHALES]
♪ My friend... ♪
[IMITATES GUNSHOT]
[RAGGED BREATHS]
♪
You got to ask yourself:
did it take six shots or only five?
[CLATTERING IN DISTANCE]
[HEART BEATING]
[PANTING]
[ANNE SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]
[SCOFFS] You think you love her.
But you'll never know real love.
♪
Shit! No... what?
No... fuck!
No, no, no! No!
Shit!
Stop!
[HORN HONKING]
[JEFF SHOUTING]
Fuck!
No! Oh!
[GUNSHOT]
[CAR BEEPING]
[DOG BARKING]
[PANTING]
[SIRENS WAILING]
[TIRES SCREECHING]
STEWART: Drop the gun!
I said drop the fucking gun now!
SUCH: On the ground! Face on the ground!
- STEWART: Now! - SUCH: Get down now!
[INDISTINCT RADIO CHATTER]
SUCH: Hands where I can see them!
STEWART: This guy's 10-100.
He matches the description of the suspect
who's been invading homes in the area.
SUCH: Any ID?
STEWART: Barrett.
Barrett's the last name.
And his first name is Jeff?
Yeah. Why, you know him?
You want to tell me what happened here?
["POUND ONE OUT" BY JAMES HAMBLY BEGINS]
♪ It's a long time... ♪
I want you to know that Anne greatly appreciates
what you did to protect her and Jeff that night.
All the concessions are her way
of showing her gratitude.
♪ How can I face another day? ♪
♪ There's nothing romantic about my love affair ♪
♪ But how long can it stay this way? ♪
And so, Jeff, representing the regents of this university,
we would be honored if you would accept the chair
of the department of anthropology.
♪ The dirty clothes have disappeared... ♪
[KNOCKING AT DOOR]
I'm looking for Jeffery Storck.
Yeah, that's me.
♪
DYLAN: My dad says fish come closer in the morning.
Yeah, but he also says Limp Bizkit
is better than Kendrick Lamar.
I don't know, old people say weird shit like that.
All right.
[EXHALES]
All right.
[LAUGHS]: No way!
Look what I found!
Oh, my God.
Look!
Check out the name on this bullet.
It's my name. Kyle.
Huh. Whatever.
Let's load it?
Oh. That actually worked.
Oh. Like so... Hold this.
And then, I think...
Look at this.
Hey, man.
Anything you say and do
will be used to you in a court of law.
Oh. Pass. That's so cool.
NARRATOR: Human beings have a funny way
of treating things like people.
But today, they'll learn that as long as objects
are valued more than lives...
tragedy will forever be manufactured here
in The Twilight Zone.